I’m a fixer. There I said it. I like to give advice and fix people’s problems. The truth, though, is that I love listening to people. Their stories are what captivate me and it’s where the good stuff is. Listening to client’s stories is what guides me to fixing or advising on their problem or action planning. What if we all listened to each other a little bit better? This skill, I’m finding, is a dying art among leadership today. Practicing active listening can help transform your leadership skills, whether you are a business owner, a politico, or a nonprofit leader.
Everyone wants to be heard and witnessed. I don’t know anyone who ever said, “don’t listen to me.”
Here are some ways you can practice active listening for stronger leadership:
Stop, look, listen. Literally stop what you are doing, look at the person who is speaking, and listen. Listen with your eyes, your body, your ears. Take in what they are saying. Eye contact helps us to be heard. Give your colleague eye contact and your undivided attention.
Be a witness. If you’ve stopped, looked, and are active listening, you can fully witness what the other person is saying. Take in their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, but just witness it. Try not to judge it. Sit or stand in a neutral position and take it all in, without reacting. This is not easy, especially for someone like me who loves to react and “be right there with you” but this non-reaction on your part can help your colleague just speak what is on their mind.
Reflect back what you’ve heard. There is a strong likelihood that your colleague or friend has within them the wisdom to solve their own problem. What they need is someone to hear, witness, and reflect back to them what they’ve just said out loud. Try to reflect back what you’ve heard without giving advice or judgment. Statements like, “I heard you say that you feel . . .” or “When you said this___, your body expression shifted.” This helps your colleague see that their words have power.
End with, “how can I help you?” You might find that your colleague responds with, “actually, you just did.”
